11/26/2009

Ten Things That Make Me Mad

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, fool: where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.

3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". That's stupid! What good is a cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

6. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No, asshole: I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

7. The now old radio ad, "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either, Mr. Healey. You're blind [and dead RIP] for God's sake.

8. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice when you asked that?

9. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. You should know, asshole: you pulled me over.