Stand Up and Sit Down

My stand-up comedy performance at the DC Improv on October 16, 2006. Hosted by Matt Kazam. Rated R for language, extreme violence and male frontal nudity.

Hail To The Redskins

Damn I am blessed! My ex-wife's name recently came off the Redskins season ticket waiting list and was awarded with two upper level seats on the right 20 yard line, Redskins side, at FedEx Field. I already have a single lower level seat on the left 20 yard line, Redskins side, for 4 seasons. But with a single, it was hard to take someone else to the game. Back a few years ago, I put my then wife's name on the waiting list just so I could obtain as many season tickets as I could afford. Well my plan worked. I of course pay for the two new seats, having always intended to do so, cause the Ex could care less about football. Since we are divorced, I'll have the tickets transferred into my name. Now I can take my brother to a game when he comes into town, and I don't have to scrounge around the internet for the best price on Redskin's tickets.

Piss Off

My neighbor on the first floor told me the other day that he doesn't like my dog pissing on the tree in front of his porch. We live in condos, and all the outside area of the building excluding his actual porch is common area. The grass, the trees, the sidewalk - all common area. He doesn't control it. The property manager and condo association controls it. The dude, who looks to be at least 15 years older than me, has never owned a dog in his life. I know this because I asked him that very question.

The dog pisses on the same tree almost every time he's walked because he is a male dog marking his territory, a well known and well documented fact about male dogs. Something I assumed even non-dog owners knew, but assumptions rarely hold water. There are no condo association rules that deal with canine urination. Common courtesy says dogs shouldn't do their business in your yard or on your porch, but that's not the issue here. The neighbors entire argument is that he doesn't like the dog pissing anywhere near his porch. Well dude, tough shit.

The Late Show With David Letterman

Jennifer and I got tickets to Letterman. We'll be in the audience for the Monday, April 10th broadcast, which is the same day it's taped. This experience is on my list of "Things I Want To Do Before I Die." Also on that list is attending the Superbowl (preferrably with the Redskins playing in the game), attending a major prize fight, attending a performance of SNL and having children. The list is in no particular order.

My Emotional Tampon

I thought I might carve out my own space on the internet. I'm definitely not going to compete with all the MySpace douchebags (Jennifer, Pedro and Pablo excluded). And I don't care if anyone sees this website. Who knows how often I'll post? Maybe never, if you're lucky. It's just my own personal spot on the information superhighway.